Biggest surprise is that I have LOVED homeschooling, way more than I thought. I knew it was something I would be comfortable doing and I have always wanted to try it. I honestly have been in a school setting everyday of my life since I was 5 years old (excluding 4 years as a stay at home mom) It's kinda my comfort zone. I would be fine with this whole quarantine continuing for awhile just to keep these guys all to myself. I love controlling what influences are coming in and out of my home. I love that I can spend 30 minutes explaining a concept to Claire until sinks in. She needs that extra love and time. I have thought how school must be hard for her, being one of 27 kids. She needs that one on one and I'm here for it. She is so happy being home. She is our positivity queen and can always Chloe is completely self-sufficient and is doing so well at completing her assigned tasks. She misses her friends and her teacher who she loved. Carter is right in the middle. He does well on his on for the most part and only needs help occasionally. Because I've done online school myself for the last 3 and half years, I feel prepared and capable and I am grateful for that. Once I got the passwords straight, we were off and running.
I've had so many thoughts about homeschool as we've been home. There has been SO many benefits. As much as I would love to make the switch permanently, my number one hesitation about homeschooling in the past is the social component that is missing and can't be imitated at home. While I am in no way promoting bullying, the schoolyard has a way of helping you find your place in the world with a little bit of harsh reality that I personally think is necessary for all kids. I have been an EA for 18 years, which means I have spent half of my life on yard duty. If you are and EA in elementary school, chances are you are on the playground every single recess, every single day. I can tell you there are so many benefits to kids being in that environment. Kids are brutally honest. They can't help it, and all though it can hurt to hear the truth, it builds a resiliency that helps most of us in the long run. Your mom probably won't tell your annoying. She's not going to tell you that she doesn't want to play with you because your a whiner. She's not going to put you in your place the same way your peers will, and without that, I feel that my kids would not be as well rounded as they are. They are confident because they are accepted by others outside of the home as well as by their dad and I, and I am glad I didn't rob them of this experience.
That being said, high school is a whole other story, with so much more at stake. The idea of sending my babies there makes my heart sink, so we will cross that bridge when we come to it. BYU has an online high school diploma that I would love my kids to do, but we will see. In their Grade 12 year they could take so many classes that would count for dual credit if they pursued a CES school (which I would love) but we will have to see what they want for their future. They may want to stay right here close to home, which would be fine with me as well... but since I am on such a roll sharing my true feelings, I will say that I worry about their future more than I should. It's not my life, it's theirs, and I don't want to have expectations that put unnecessary pressure on them. I want very specific things for them, but ultimately, I want them to feel happy and personally fulfilled.
Anyways, back to our Coronacation (Ella Morton told me this is what she calls it and I love it)
We get school out of the way by noonish every day and after lunch the kids have checklists of chores and reading. They are learning Billie Eilish songs on the flute, trumpet and drums and although it sounds rough, they love it. They have to get 10,000 steps before they can have screens, which they complain about sometimes and it's tough to get when it's cold out. Or pouring like today. But right now they are playing Just Dance with Darryl and loving it. Between the trampoline, basketball net, bikes and scooters, they are active and happier on the days we get outside. Carter and I went for a 2 hour walk the other day and it was so nice. We chatted about everything. I asked him if there was a girl he was in love with and he laughed and told me I was going "too far" with the chatting. He is allowed to play Fortnite a few days a week now and he LOVES it. We caved back in December when Santa wrote him a letter and told him it was OK with him if he got Fortnite on Christmas morning. I am so glad we did though, because in a weird way it has been a blessing during Corona, as much as I hate it. It is the best to hear him talking and laughing with his cousins and his friends from church and school on his headset. He is able to be social and joke around while still at home, which is a dream come true for a social/homebody like my sweet boy. I am grateful for Claire's best friend Ella. Those two have become closer during this quarantine and have spent hours on FaceTime. They have set up pet hospitals, fashion shows, stuffed animal movie theatres and American Girl parties. She does homework with her cousin Suzie on the IPad and laughs and plays. She interviewed her cousin Daisy on Facetime for a school project. In so many ways, this time at home has strengthened outside relationships. I am grateful none of the kids are at an age where they have phones and social media accounts that I have to monitor, because it's hard enough with the IPad. Chloe loves making Tick Toc dances with her sister on my phone. She is so driven with her school work and I never need to remind her or encourage her to get her assignments done. She has such amazing drive. She's been my little shadow and hasn't had much of desire to connect with her school friends the way my others have. She would love to go back to school, but she is so much like me in that she doesn't love Facetime/Zoom and feels awkward, so she can take it or leave it. Although she is super excited to share a song on her flute for the YW talent show we have coming up on Zoom tomorrow. I have been happy to finish my degree, homeschool, cook, clean and recently I've had required online training and activities to prepare for my students.
The biggest thing on my mind during this quarantine has been home much I love being a homemaker. I consider myself to be a fairly progressive woman. I would go as far to say I am a feminist. But I have always wanted to stay at home full time. I have never really had a great desire to work outside the home. I loved being home for 4 years and when I chose my career, all I wanted was something that allowed me to most time with my own kids. I work to make money to do to the extra things for them and to be close to them. The only reason I'm not at home now is because I'm lucky enough to have a job at their school where I get to see every assembly, track meet, play and presentation and when I think about working halftime, I worry that I wouldn't be there to warm up their lunch in my classroom, run home and get their recorder on my break or meet them in the office when they have a bleeding nose.
The only reason I went to university and got a bachelor's degree was to show my kids it's important and they can do it too. I have no desire to do anything with it. My husband is starting his Masters in Education in September. I thought for a split second about joining him. We got our bachelor's together and it brought us closer, but I have no desire to continue. I just want to be home base for my kids. I have always wanted to show my children (especially my girls) that it's important to work and contribute outside of the home as well as inside of the home, but I have never really had a desire for much outside of these 4 walls. Anything I do or have done, they are the driving force behind why I do it. I really don't have many personal aspirations or goals of my own. I don't really have strong desire for much else. I feel like the feminist/rational side of my brain tells me this isn't healthy and I need to change. But my heart tells me it's fine. I have a mother and a mother-in-law who are wired the exact same way, and in their sixties, they are both blissfully happy and confident as the queens of their castles, and as wives, mothers and grandmothers. They have no regrets after living for their children, and the reap the benefits of having their children adore them and they relish in being amazing matriarchs. Again, not for everyone! And if my daughters or future granddaughters are reading this and don't feel the same way and want to go out and conquer the world in their own way, do it! But if by chance you don't feel that drive, know you are not the first to feel that way.
Being a mom and a wife is all I ever wanted and I feel completely content and fulfilled. I'm not saying this is how everyone should feel and I am so grateful that not every woman feels this way because there are so many women who bless my life through their amazing careers and the incredible lives they lead. But as I have has time to think these last few weeks, I have realized that the title of wife and mother are all I need to feel complete. I know that these years are fleeting. I know that my personality type is such that I will beat myself up with regret for years to come if I don't make the most every moment with these precious kids, and thus far I have no regrets, so I will keep on going the way I have been.
I will be devastated when this quarantine is over because I love the pace of this life so much more than my old one. I will need to make some major changes in the future to maintain some balance.
for basketball. Her leg is a lot better and she is training to do a 5km run. Darryl is teaching his own Institute class on Wednesday nights and loves it so much. So that’s us. I’m kinda in this weird place where I’d pay a million dollars to be home a lone for a couple hours and then I want everyone together in the same room all together, all night. I sometimes I think I’m going to scream if I have to cook anoth
er meal d I’m loving it at the same time. That’s quarantine life for ya!
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