Baby Bliss

This is one of those more personal posts, I just never want to forget what an amazing roller coaster this whole week has been, I don't even really know where to begin, I just now how fast I forget things when I don't write them down, and I don't ever want to forget how wonderful and emotional this week has been.

Thursday I went in to see if Miss Claire had turned from her breech position. Despite all my valiant efforts to get her to turn (blaring music, flashing the flashlight, frozen food, spending most of my time on all fours) she was stuck. She wasn't going anywhere. The ultra sound showed the cord around her neck, body and ankles. She was trying really hard to get in the right position, but every time she tried, the cord would get tighter around her neck, so she'd go back to being sideways. My doctor felt like we should book a c-section. Earlier she had debated letting me wait a few days to see if she would turn, but the cord around the neck worried her, so she said let's have a baby tomorrow. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, and I felt really good about it. After receiving a blessing from Darryl, my dad and my brother the week before I knew that this was how things had to be.

There is something fabulous about knowing the day and time you are going to have your baby. You can cook, you can clean, you can get your hair done, you can get a pedicure, you can get waxed. It's fabulous. My mum and sisters and brother all came at different parts of the weekend to look after things here at the house while we were gone, so as they arrived, we all planned to meet this baby, and I was too excited to sleep.

Waiting at the hospital for our turn was kind of nice, other than being starving!! Darryl and I napped, watched TV, talked about how excited we were to have a family of five. We had talked and prayed at length about this being our family's last baby. Especially over the past few days knowing this may be a c-section and the opportunity to have my tubes tied presented itself. This wasn't a decision we made lightly, but over and over again when we prayed about it we got the answer to go ahead with it. I was 99% sure this was the right thing for us to do, but because our church discourages this unless it is for health reasons (which I don't have) I was hoping that the confirmation we were feeling was right, and I signed the paper to have the procedure.

The whole surgery process didn't scare me in the least, all I wanted was a healthy baby, but I was a little nervous about the recovery once I was home. In the operating waiting room, I was calm as anything, but then I could hear this little boy who sounded like he was around Carter's age, screaming and crying for his mom, which made me just lose it. I felt so sorry for this kid. I wondered what they were doing back there, where was his mom? I just couldn't stop the tears. Turned out it was an 8 year who had just woken up after having some dental work, and was perfectly fine, but his mom thanked me for caring! The anesthetist came to talk to us and explain what would be happening, his name was Dr.Rob Malcovic and he was fantastic. I didn't have a lot of expectations of what this whole process would be like, but any I did have were exceeded. The nurses, doctors, everyone was so nice, almost loving actually. They rubbed my shoulders, talked softly, made jokes, and were so reassuring. It was just as personal as having a regular birth, which really surprised me, plus I didn't have to do any of the hard work, which was nice.

The first five minutes lying there, as your blood pressure figures itself out after you get your spinal, I felt EXTREMELY nauseous and dizzy, and I was so worried that was how I would feel through the entire process, but after a dose of ephedrine in my IV it all went away in the first 5 minutes and I felt great. They brought Darryl in, and I was just so excited to see her face! She was so beautiful, and indeed tangled, not once around the neck, but twice. I was relieved to hear her cry. My tiniest baby at 7lbs 3oz, and just perfect. My sweet OB came over and kissed me on the cheek when we were done, and I was off. Waiting in recovery to go and see her was so exciting, so different than I imagined. I thought I would feel drugged and tired, but I really felt good. Just itchy from morphine! They called up to tell me her weight and length and then they took me down to see her, it all happened so quickly, I was shocked really. I thought I would be at my wit's end not being able to hold her right away, but it really wasn't that much different than the other two, because by the time I had delivered the placenta, gotten what feels like 100 stitches, it felt like the same amount of time had passed.

The next day Dr. Vasudeva wanted to come and have a talk with me. We talked (and cried) for a good 20 minutes. She told me she was hoping I didn't realize how scared she was in the delivery room, and that she really didn't know if we were going to have a happy ending. I was shocked, I had no idea everything wasn't hunky dory in there. She said the cord was dangerously tight. I did remember Dr. Rob saying to her after Claire came out so tangled that things could've been "disastrous" if we had gone another route or waited any longer (that word disastrous made my ears perk up) She explained why the resident was asking why I was bleeding so much (that part I didn't remember) She said once they got to the uterus it was difficult to know where to cut because I had so many varicose veins in there that were large, and it was hard for her to tell what was veins and what was umbilical cord. After she got in there, it was necessary to cut a lot of those varicose veins, which caused a lot more bleeding then usual. Having to do that also meant it would be very difficult to carry another child without complications, and increase my chances of miscarrying. If I was lucky enough to carry a child to term, I could never deliver vaginally again either. As she explained everything that had taken place, I had a silent prayer in my heart thanking Heavenly Father for confirming our decision beforehand to tie my tubes and blessing me with three beautiful angels already.

The recovery this time was different, but not as awful as some had told me it would be, over all it was easier than Chlo's delivery/recovery. Honestly, I would rather stitches in my stomach any day. The abdominal pain was not terrible, for me it was the pain in my leg. I had a lot of varicose veins in my left leg, that had never really given me a lot of trouble until this. I had to head back to the doctor yesterday and turns out I have to go for an ultra sound on my leg to make sure there are no blood clots and try and keep it elevated, but other than that, things have really been wonderful. We have so much help from family and neighbours and I am just so grateful. She is the sweetest baby. She is so delicate and cute, my best breastfeeder by far, or maybe just because she's my 3rd and I've finally figured things out. I am really loving these past few days and I am just so grateful to be home safely with the 3 best kids in the world.