A new year, a new decade, holy smokes I'm old.

30. Yup. That's what I'll be when I wake up in the morning, and I can't say it sits super well with me. I feel like everything fantastic and exciting happened in my twenties.  I graduated college, married, had babies, bought our first home, it was a wonderful decade. But I'm trying to be positive, so here goes.

Anything stupid, insensitive,  etc. I've done lately I will now be able to say "oh that was in my twenties". That appeals to me me greatly. It's like a new fresh start, which I am all about. I had high hopes for a fresh start in 2013, and I must say I have disappointed myself. I have been sick twice in two weeks, which has stunted my workout goals. I have been easily agitated, quick to be angry with those I love most. Not my children so much, but more the adults in my life. I have felt a bit of a weight on my shoulders since this new year began, but I have felt it begin to lift this weekend. Though personal scripture study, and subtle hints that the Lord is aware of me. Things that are more than coincidence. Even as I sit here and type, Darryl and I are watching a dvd about Jeffery R. Holland's new book and he is answering questions I have had in my heart these past few days. (It's called For Times of Trouble, so awesome, Darryl just called it the feel good movie of the year, lol) A scripture that stuck out to me in my own reading this week came up twice today in YW and Sunday School, and I have decided to make it my "mantra" It is full of qualities I hope to acquire and develop over my "new" decade.

 23 And now I would that ye should be ^ahumble, and be^bsubmissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience andlong-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent inkeeping the commandments of God at all times; asking forwhatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal;always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye doreceive.

 24 And see that ye have ^afaith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works.

I had a conversation with a good friend this week who was feeling the same way. Frustrated, wanting to be better, do better. We talked about that inner voice that is constantly in your ear telling that you could do more, you could be better. Are you doing enough?

This is one of my greatest trials. That constant battle in my head. Should I go to the temple tonight like I planned, even though I have this tugging at my heart that my oldest child needs some extra attention from me tonight, not a baby-sitter? Is that the Holy Ghost? Is that the adversary trying to keep me from the temple? Am I doing the right thing planning an awesome lesson for my Beehives all afternoon while my own 3 kids run wild, watching "Chipwrecked" twice in a row, and helping themselves to fruit snacks and nutri-grain bars in copious amounts? Am I choosing the better part? I have a difficult time trying to find that balance. I want so desperately to be in tune with what the Lord would have me do, and I hope that comes with this new chapter called "the thirties".

There is so much good. There is so much to be grateful for. I am grateful to know it is possible to be a family forever. I sat with a good friend for hours on the day her husband died and felt the Spirit so strong. I am so grateful for those sweet Beehives that made me feel like a million bucks with cards and treats today. I was bursting with pride as my kids recited the 8th Article of Faith. I never thought they could remember 2, never mind 8. Carter's quick humour has made me laugh out loud many times this week, which is not an easy thing to do. I love how Claire makes a beeline for me scoots her bum into my lap every single time I sit down on the floor. I am grateful for special times with Chloe. She brings me so much joy. On Friday she woke around 10:30pm at night. She was wide awake, so we got McFlurries and watched High School Musical. It was awesome. I feel like I enjoy my kids more the older they get. Not that I want to rush those late night feedings or snuggles, but there is something so sweet that develops when they walk, talk and have opinions.

Life is oh so good, and I truly am grateful to enter my thirties with a wonderful husband and beautiful children by my side.