Beginning of last week I was trying REALLY hard to focus on the POSITIVE things about having to go back to work in the mornings, but after a blessing from Darryl and a good few days, I don't have to try so hard.
It was tough, I missed my babies terribly, I worried about Darryl having to put in such a long day, all morning with the kids then going to work until late in the evening, I worried about missing play dates with the kids in the mornings and fun evenings out, I worried what all my pro-stay-at-home-circle of friends would think of me, I know it's silly to worry about that, but I really am so passionate about being at home. I worried I wouldn't have the skills needed to go back to the work force. I worried. And cried. A lot.
But you know what, I have come to some conclusions about all of this, and I am so thankful for the things I have learned these past few weeks and for the peace I feel now.
This has been one of the best things I have ever done, and I thought it was going to be the worst. I miss my kids, but I am happier than I have been in awhile. I feel a little guilty about saying that, but if I'm being honest, it's the truth. I LOVED being at home and I have loved the past 2 years, but I hate to break this little secret to all of you who don't have kids and are in the workforce, but being at work is WAY easier than being home with two babies 15 months apart. Sorry, but it's true folks. And this has been an exceptionally good/hard/busy year with babies, moving, building house, siblings moving in and out of our home, weddings, promotion, Darryl teaching seminary...I could go on, basically life.
So to wake up every morning, get dressed in real clothes, put make-up on and go to a job I love with special needs children (some of which I have known for 6 years)in a school minutes from my home which my children will eventually attend for a couple hours and come home to a place with kids who are clean, dressed, fed, and happily playing with their Dad, (who by the way is the best, most helpful amazing husband on the planet and the ONLY reason why this situation works out so well) where the laundry is folded and the dishes are done is exactly what I need right now, right in this moment in time. Not forever necessarily, just now.
I love it because I know they get to spend 3 hours a day with their Dad, rather than then the 1 hour the used too. Darryl took a parental leave when Chloe was 8 months old and I swear it bonded them for life. I love it because my kids don't get an exhausted version of me in the afternoon. They get a well rested, excited to spend every last second of the day with them version instead. The time we have spent together these past few days has been oh so good. I plan better meals, and I have more energy, I have more to give to my oh-so-tired-hardworking husband when he rolls in at 9:30pm.
I hope those who know me(as much as it doesn't really matter what other people think)and my children especially would know that everything I do is for them. I love them so much. Which is the number one reason I (we) are doing this. For the awesome medical/dental benefits, so I can keep my place at the school they will both attend in the next 3 years so I can be with them, so I can get enough hours of work in so I can go on mat leave and have another precious little bundle one day I hope. The pros out weighed the cons by far.
Most importantly I am grateful for prayer and for the peace and assurance I feel about our little family's decision. I know what we are doing is right for us. And that's a good feeling.
You are A-W-E-S-O-M-E! I say power to you for going back to work! Tara does the same thing... although she hates it... but your children will thank you in the end for what you are doing for them. You're a great mom!
ReplyDeleteGood for you Heather. It's awesome to see someone go and do something that makes them happier and even more fulfilled. I liked how you pointed out that your kids now get the "excited to spend every second with them mom". It's so true, isn't it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder :) Good luck with the change.
ReplyDeleteI know sometimes it's good to write stuff like this all out. There are parenting decisions I've made that I felt I had to justify to others. What I've come to realize, though, is that my friends know I'm doing the best I can, and that every decision made is in the best interest of my family. It may not be the way they do things, but they support me anyway. You have so clearly and concisely laid out your position, and I think it's fantastic! In fact, I think time home with both Mom and Dad is actually a better situation than when kids only get to see mom all day. James had 9 months off with Colin and it was awesome. They really bonded as well, even if it was those early months. It has made all the difference even 5 years later.
ReplyDeleteOh Girls, thanks so much for your support. You have no idea what your encouraging comments mean. Thank goodness for this wonderful world of cyberspace so I can stay connected with all you amazing ladies
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